“When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!’ So you are no longer a slave, but a son…” (Gl. 4:4-7)

In that passage (and also in Rom. 8), Christ’s apostle talks about us calling God our abba—our father. That word, used only three times in the whole Bible, is Aramaic (not Hebrew) for ‘father’ and is used exclusively to describe our relationship with our heavenly Father. It’s a rudimentary word—a set of syllables that children can learn very early in life (similar to ‘dada’ in English). And, as many preachers and teachers have said, it communicates closeness, dependency, and intimacy; like an infant’s total dependence on and closeness with his father. Many have likened its connotation to the close comfort of the English word ‘daddy.’

But there’s another important aspect to the word: the imperative of obedience. One author told about a simple exchange he overheard between a Jewish father and son in the Tel Aviv airport: the father said to the son, “When I ask you to do something, I want you to call me abba.” And that’s how it functions in God’s word, too. Every time that the word is used in the Bible, it’s in a context that emphasizes obeying the father. Jesus prayed with that word when he said, “Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mk. 14:36). Paul talked about our willful obedience as sons of God; not just him controlling us as slaves (Rm. 8:15, Gl. 4:6).

A son who looks up to his father as ‘abba’ recognizes their intimacy and also his own submission to the father. Like an adult son who has been placed in charge of his father’s estates because his father has learned that he can trust the son, God asks us to steward his grace on Earth — to live and lead his way; not our own. And like sons and daughters who are both close to our father and immensely respectful of his authority, we pray to “our Father who is in Heaven.” He is our God; our Maker; our Redeemer; our Savior… our abba. And we are his dutiful, close, trusting sons.

- Dan Lankford, minister

“Do This And Your Kids Will Never Talk Back to You”

“Parents With Well-Behaved Kids Do These Three Things Every Day”

“Six Things To Do Now So You Don’t Raise Spoiled Kids”

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Parenting advice abounds in our world. We’re all looking for some kind of click bait that will make it easy, peaceful, and successful. But parenting is a process. There’s no quick path from immaturity to maturity. Period. That’s not because we fail to understand parenting; it’s because it always takes a long time to ‘bring up a child.’ And for the prime example of that, I submit, for your consideration, God’s own process of bringing up his son, Israel.

In the beginning, God treated Israel like one treats a baby. He carefully protected them, carried them, fed them, and nurtured them (cf. the Exodus and the wilderness). As they grew, he instructed them in how to behave and what ‘manners’ of life to develop (cf. the Law of Moses). He also disciplined them when they disobeyed. As they grew further, he taught them how to be wise, to make decisions based on more than black-and-white do’s and don’ts (cf. the wisdom lit.). When they became estranged from him like adult children sometimes do to parents, he hung his head and mourned, and he let them suffer the consequences of their choices (cf. the Exile). And then finally, when he was ready, he revealed himself to them as he truly is—making it possible for the relationship to reach full maturity (cf. our place in Christ).

If it took God a long time to raise a childlike nation to spiritual maturity, then we shouldn’t be discouraged that it takes a long time to raise our children. So keep going, mom and dad. Keep teaching, keep praying, and keep believing that God’s way works.

- Dan Lankford, minister

“In those days also I saw the Jews who had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab. And half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and they could not speak the language of Judah…” (Neh. 13:23-24)

Ashdod is a very old city, dating back approx. 3,700 years. It was a city of the Philistines in Old Testament times and was a linchpin of some conflict between them and God’s people (cf. Jos. 11:22, 1 Sm. 5). But in the time of Nehemiah, as quoted above, the problem with Ashdod was not conflict; it was compromise.

In Nehemiah’s time, some of the people of God had intermarried (again) with the nations around them, and they had made so much room in their lives for the culture of their foreign wives’ people that some of their children had already lost an understanding of their native language—Hebrew—in a single generation. This is exactly the problem of intermarriage that Moses had warned them about generations before, and it represents another BIG step away from God and their rightful Israelite identity. The problem was that Israel was supposed to be the influence for good in the world, not be influenced for bad by the world.

There is an inherently and close-to-home danger that Christians can be warned about from this passage: namely, that covenant children—those being raised by Christian parents—aren’t being taught some things that should be our distinctive characteristics, just as the children of the tribe of Judah apparently weren’t being taught. I see trends that may seem small, but which indicate a move away from the “native language” of Christianity and toward only speaking “the language of Ashdod.” Some elements of Christian life that ought to be natural to us, but which are easily lost when they’re not deliberately taught. Things like:

• Bible knowledge—even the basics, like the order of the books—is increasingly hard to find among religious children, even in conservative groups like us.
• The importance of worship—that attendance at assemblies actually takes precedence over many other life events and situations.
• The practice of hospitality—that it’s not a burden, but a joy. That it’s not a pretentious show of self and wealth, but a humble gift that we can give to others. And that it’s a job for every believer, whether we have little or much in earthly goods.
• The gladness of fellowship—that our bonds in Christ are to be enjoyed, elevated, cherished, and seen by others as a sign of our devotion to Christ (cf. Jn. 13:35).
• The path of humility—the truth that no one should think of himself/herself as the most important people in the world; even our children. They should not be made to think that they are the most important person, even to us as their parents. Because God is the most important person. Period.
• The comfortable, warm, and rightly-fitting place of things like hymns, psalms, quoting scripture, bedtime prayers, and Bible reading in our home lives. These and others are things that ought to be the native language of Christian home life.

I worry that by neglecting things like these, we prime children for a time in their life when they recognize the native language of Christian living, but they don’t speak it. And more problematic than that: they don’t really care to learn it and regain what has been lost.

The problem between Israel and Ashdod wasn’t conflict; it was compromise. And we so often face the same problem. We are supposed to be the influence for good to the people around us; not be influenced for bad by them. And we are supposed to be the influences on our kids, not have them influenced by the people around us. If we’re letting them losing distinctive elements of God’s presence in their lives, then we’d better repent and redouble our efforts to draw them close to the heart of the father.

- Dan Lankford, minister

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Author's Note: This post was inspired by my grandfather's sermon by the same title (he drew different applications than I did, but saw a good principle in the text; see his notes in inset picture). He preached for almost 7 decades, and passed away just this past week at the age of 90. I'm writing this (and likely more to come) in his honor.

There are two ways to create a sense of security in relationships

The first is by control; always watching closely for things to go wrong and doing all things possible to prevent problems. These relationships require tight boundaries, frequent questioning, stern lecturing, and at least a few emotional walls to prevent us from getting wounded. The best metaphor for this kind of atmosphere is a prison—a place with maximum security but with minimal freedom.

The second way to create security in a relationship, however, is by trust; believing that each party will do what’s best and knowing that difficulties can be met with truthfulness, confidence, and peacemaking efforts. These relationships require selflessness and humility, affirmations of trust, and questions asked for information rather than for accusation. The best metaphor for this kind of atmosphere is a pasture—a place with  security is accepted as a gift; where all parties accept the risk of problems because they are sure those problems can be overcome; where all parties enjoy great freedom.

As parents, as bosses, as spouses, as teachers, as church leaders, as mentors, as friends… we all have the potential to foster both kinds of relationships. We can let the people around live in a pasture or a prison. Both will create their own type of security, but only one is like the relationships that God wants to bless us with: those which are led by still waters, which fear no evil even when they walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, and which are peaceful enough to lie down in green pastures (Ps. 23). That is God’s gift to us, if we’ll receive it. Is it the gift that we’re giving to others?

- Dan Lankford, minister

Give ear, O my people, to my teaching;
incline your ears to the words of my mouth!
I will open my mouth in a parable;
I will utter dark sayings from of old,
things that we have heard and known,
that our fathers have told us.
We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done.
(Psalm 78:1-4)

The rest of that Psalm goes on to give a summary of a lot of the history of God and his people. All the way from Jacob to David, the psalm puts both the good and bad decisions of their ancestors onto the voices of each generation who would sing it. And it reminded them of God’s perfect faithfulness to them all the way through that long process.

I bring this psalm up because of how it correlates to Sunday’s sermon. Then, we talked about a family who had one figure far back in their ancestry that set them on a trajectory of knowing and serving God. And in Psalm 78, we find a writer who is trying to accomplish the same thing among Israel at large. He wants them to continue to appreciate God’s faithfulness and live out their own faithfulness to him, and so he has Israel singing together: “we will tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.”

Sunday’s message was spoken specifically to the fathers among us, but let’s all take a few minutes today to think about our personal impact in the lives of the growing generation of Christians. How will you help to remind them of God’s glorious wonders and gracious deeds? What influence will you be in the lives of younger Christians? How will you help to keep the legacy of faithfulness alive and well among God’s people?

- Dan Lankford, minister

Surely we’ve all experienced the frustration of doing things right and not seeing positive results from it. We pray for someone but don’t see the prayers answered. We eat healthy and exercise but the number on the scale doesn’t seem change. We take to heart a new batch of marriage advice, but the tension stays in our relationship. We train and re-train someone on the job, but see no change in their work. And here’s one of the big ones: We discipline and teach our kids, but they just don’t seem to be getting any of it and growing into the people they should be.

In cases like that, our frustration with lacking results often leads us to look for new methods. We look for the newest diet fad, the latest marriage advice, the latest psychology of training, or yet another new parenting book. And eventually, after many methods, we look back over our efforts and think, “I just don’t know else to do.”

I think that there’s a subtle, but important fault in that thought process. It’s that we’re looking for something else to try, instead of continuing in what is known to be good.

Now, that principle is a truism in lots of areas of life, but since today is Mother’s Day, here’s how it applies to parenting: Let’s focus less on new ideas for parenting and increase our commit-ment to the old wisdom from God for raising them. The list of passages given below will help us stop looking for what else to try and to stay committed to what works. Is that tough? Yes. Perseverance is harder than novelty. But by our faith in God’s grace, we can do it, and we’ll be better off for it in the long run of life and eternity.

- Dan Lankford, minister

Deut. 6:5-7, Prv. 22:6, Prv. 19:18, Prv. 23:19, Prv. 29:17, Heb. 12:5-8, Eph. 6:4, Col. 3:21

Happy Valentine’s Day! Regardless of all the ways that the holiday gets downplayed or dismissed by so many, it’s a time that can remind every Christ-follower who is either dating, engaged, or married to think about how we behave toward our significant other or spouse. For Christians, that question is more specifically, “Am I being the person that God wants me to be toward the person that I love?”

• Are we kind? Or do we respond with carelessness and harshness?
• Do we give them the best of ourselves? Or do we leave them with the halfhearted leftovers of our energy and thoughtfulness?
• Do we encourage them to become the best version of themselves? Or do we fear that their accomplishments will drive a wedge between us?
• Are we sons and daughters of encouragement, breathing life and peace into their hearts? Or are we continually critical of their behavior, their words, their looks, or their efforts?
• Do we give gifts and speak admiring words as expressions of love? Or do we just forget and neglect to communicate love?
• Are we there to help with chores and other meaningful work in their lives? Or do we just ride on parallel life tracks that don’t intersect?
• Do we believe the best about them? Or do we think that they want to cause us some kind of harm?

The longer I ponder Paul’s words in Ephesians 5, the more their depth amazes me. He said, “as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church… “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” …let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (excerpts from Eph. 5:22-33)  Any relationship that is truly loving involves two people who are each humble enough to make it about the other person. Selfishness and pride are relationship killers. The more focus we give to our own needs and what we will get from a relationship, the less gratifying we will find it. It’s only when we learn to truly give that we begin to find the true joy that God intends to give us.

So my encouragement is this: just take stock of what you’ve contributed and what you’ve been given. Thank God for the gifts, and commit to humbly serving; never for our own good, but always for others’ good and for God’s glory.

- Dan Lankford, minister

Many Christians have a pessimistic outlook on raising kids. We believe it’s a risk, saying things like, “We shouldn’t want to bring kids into a world that’s gotten this bad. It’s worse than it’s ever been. It would just eat them alive, destroying their faith.” But the world has always been evil. I doubt that “the world is worse for our kids than it’s ever been.” Perhaps, though, the world’s wickedness comes closer to them, thanks, at least in part, to the presence of smart devices.

One of the unique challenges of Christian parenting in our day is handling screens wisely in our families. So, here’s some advice to Christian parents for helping our kids serve Christ when surrounded by screens.

• Regulate their time on screens. Encourage intentional, tangible activities like conversation, engagement, reading, work, and generosity. Set a whole-family ‘fast’ from your tech once in awhile.
• Set parental blocks. Gateways on your wifi routers, blocked-out apps, time limits, etc.
• Unapologetically invade their privacy for the sake of spiritual accountability. There isn’t anything unbiblical about doing that, so long as it’s truly for their good and not justification for us to be on a power trip. Check their browsing histories, texts sent and received, downloads, and apps. Let them know from the outset that this kind of accountability will be standard procedures with your family.
• Finally, talk openly about what you’re doing as a parent and why. Caveat: be wise enough with in those conversations not to accidentally tell them how to find ungodliness (a mistake that I’ve heard preachers and parents make more than once), but for older kids, do let them know the purpose behind your decisions. Remind them that you’re trying to foster a true, abiding love for God in their hearts.

Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.” (Mt. 6:22-23) Parents, let’s be wise and diligent to keep our families’ hearts full of God’s light.

- Dan Lankford, minister

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[images sourced from Storyset.com]

One thing that Christians sometimes neglect to include in their efforts toward spiritual growth is the reading of faithful books. Obviously, the works of uninspired men are not of the same caliber as the inspired word of God when it comes to guiding our spiritual growth. But, just as we listen weekly to godly teachers & preachers who offer their insights into the word of God, there have been many authors down through the centuries who have faithfully expounded the Scriptures’ meaning in some really helpful ways. So, on Sundays in January, these articles will recommend spiritual books that can help us more clearly see God’s plan and our place within it.

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Love & Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs, is about godly marriage. Specifically, it’s about following God’s plan for marriage as laid out in one short passage from the book of Ephesians. The Holy Spirit’s point runs from Ephesians 5:22 thru verse 33, but verse 33 is the summary of the whole thought: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Eggerichs notes how the Beatles sang, “All you need is love,” and so many books on marriage agree with them. And yet, there is more than love in God’s plan for healthy marriages: there is love and respect in Ephesians 5.

The author, speaking out of years’ worth of experience as a professional marriage counselor, helpfully describes what he calls …The Crazy Cycle. Simply: “Without love, she reacts with out respect. And without respect, he reacts without love.” And going thru this cycle makes both spouses frustrated. This simple articulation probably rings bells in many of our minds—that we have each sometimes felt the lack of these important things from our spouses, and we know that we have often denied our spouses what they truly need from us.

The book is like a long sermon based on a single Bible phrase, and it’s filled with elaboration on this simple concept. Some helpful pieces of advice from the book are as follows:

• “You can be right but still wrong, when you say it at the top of your voice.”
• “The Greek word Paul uses for love in this verse is agape, meaning unconditional love. And the wording of the rest of the passage strongly suggests that the husband should receive unconditional respect.”
• “Often, we focus on our own needs and simply overlook the needs of the other person.”
• “The more I meditated on these two passages of Scripture, the more I realized that if a husband is commanded to agape-love his wife, then she truly needs love. In fact, she needs it just as she needs air to breathe.”
• “[As a marriage counselor,] Sarah asked this wife a question that she asks many women who arrive at our conferences full of contempt for their husbands: ‘What if your son grew up and married someone like you?’ The woman’s mouth fell open.”
• “A husband is to obey the command to love even if his wife does not obey the command to respect, and a wife is to obey the command to respect even if the husband does not obey the command to love.”

If you and your spouse are struggling to find peace and enjoyment in your relationship, and if you’re ready to work together to change that and make your relationship into the kind that God intended, this book is a really good place to start.

-Dan Lankford, minister

This series of articles has covered most of the basics of Biblical teaching on marriage and sexuality. In fairness to the Bible’s overall teaching, let’s consider this one final discussion in the series: the matter of polygamy (or polygyny), which is the practice of being married to multiple spouses at the same time. This practice hardly needs to be warned against in the cultural moment of twenty-first-century America, first because it’s illegal in all 50 states, and second because the practice seems almost inhumane to us. America’s sensibilities are trained by a Judeo-Christian thought heritage in which the thought of marriage usually carries the idea of exclusivity with it, and we are so accustomed to that thought that we even struggle within the Bible to make sense of Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David, Solomon, and other men who had multiple wives at the same time.

I don’t want to over-explain something which seems obvious to so many, but it bears saying out loud: Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore a man [singular] shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife [singular], and they shall become one flesh" (clarifications added). From that statement and plenty more, Biblically speaking, it’s wrong for more than two people to be married to each other, and that’s all that needs to be said in direct address of the matter. But let me make three quick and relevant observations that are slightly more indirectly related to this practice.

First: As mentioned above, we struggle to make sense of the many examples of polygamous unions throughout the Bible, especially by men who are held up as great examples of faith in God. A couple of realizations can help us reconcile this. First, we should pay careful attention to how the stories are written and what those men are actually commended for, because we will search the Bible in vain to find a place where their polygamy is commended. Second, we should keep in mind that those Bible characters are not held up as examples of perfection, but of faith in crucial moments. And that helps us to see that they were imperfect like we are, which makes us all look to the one example of human perfection: Christ. The Old Testament narratives are often not telling the stories of what should have happened, but rather what did happen. They show us the human players in God’s grand drama with honesty; not as morally whitewashed men who did all things right.

Second: You may occasionally hear the term ‘polyamory’ bandied about in the cultural conversation about modern sexual ethics. You should know that this term does not refer to polygamous marriage, but rather to multiple unmarried sexual partners. Obviously, in a world where many are calling evil good and putting bitter for sweet (cf. Isa. 5:20), we expect this behavior from the world and yet we see it for the sin that it is.

Third: There is a lingering thought among many religious people that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints endorses the practice of polygyny. According to official teaching from the church, this is no longer true. It was accepted by that religious organization over a century ago, but it is strongly condemned in their official teachings today, and it has been for a long time. I point that out here for the benefit of any of us who get into conversations about the Gospel with a Mormon friend: we would do well not to criticize their religious beliefs regarding this matter, because while their church once taught that it was okay, the person that you’re talking to probably has a strong belief in one-man-one-woman marriage.

Again, it’s easy to see that polygamy/polygyny is a sinful practice. It appears to have been one of the many things in “the time of ignorance [which] God overlooked” (Ac. 17:30), but it was never given divine approval. And so we are thankful that this sinful practice is largely out of fashion in our time and place, and we pray that our culture will be reformed to see all other sexual and marital sins with the same sort of repulsion with which this one is generally viewed.

- Dan Lankford, minister

PS – I had thought that this article would hardly be meaningful in our cultural context, but then the matters of monogamy, polyamory, and sexual infidelity came up in this article from USA Today on Monday of this week, which just reminded me that these matters of right and wrong are always relevant.