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wisdom
Be Strong So You Can Be Gentle
Wednesday, June 11, 2025It often takes more strength to be properly gentle. We’ve all seen a child struggling to open a bag of chips, knowing that when the bag finally gives way, chips will fly everywhere. But give that same bag of chips to an adult with stronger hands, and a gentle approach can be taken that doesn’t damage or waste anything.
The same is true with relationships. Young husbands and wives are often guilty of naively wanting to attack some tension in their relationship head-on. The intent is good, but when they lack the emotional strength to be properly gentle to their spouse, things tend to blow up. However, given time and experience to increase their maturity, they gain a new kind of strength to handle such things gently and effectively.
The same is true with leadership. Whether it’s at work, in the community, in the military, or in a church of God’s people, leaders who lack strength often over-extend the strength that they do have. They end up approaching delicate situations with harshness, brashness, and an effort to control rather than with gentle convictions and character-filled influence. This sort of behavior wounds followers and cripples the leader’s credibility.
Gentleness was Christ’s way in dealings with those who truly sought to know him and his heart (cf. 2 Cr. 10:1). It is part of the fruit that our lives bear when the Spirit of God abides in us (Gl. 5:23). And it ought to be part of the default settings for how Christians treat each other (Ep. 4:1-3). Both cowardice and harshness can stem from a place of weakness, and both of them can do their own kinds of damage (cf. Mt. 27:24, Ez. 34:4). But it takes some serious strength of character to hold together two of a Christian’s most important personal traits: conviction AND gentleness.
- Dan Lankford, minister
Me & The Screen | At Church
Sunday, June 01, 2025What are you going to do with your phone today? Especially while you’re here at our assembly?
A year ago, we ran a series of essays about Christians and smart-phones. Here, I’d like to just offer a little wisdom about how those devices should and shouldn’t be present in our church assemblies.
Basically, it comes down to this: When you’re here for worship, be here to worship. Keep your focus on the things of God—his nature, his word, his blessings, and his people. Let’s leave life’s lesser things to get our lesser attention.
Texting—whether for fun or for work—can almost certainly wait until the service is done. Gaming can wait. Emails, to-do lists, and social media can all wait. Why? Because the things of God are simply so much more important than those.
We should also bear in mind that young hearts are being continuously formed by what they see in the behaviors of older saints around them. So if they see us choosing to be inattentive to the things of God, they learn from that. They learn whether God and his ways matter most to us, or whether those things can simply be ignored.
Obviously, with this writing, I’m not making a ruling that no one should bring a phone to church—there’s a QR code right here that has to be scanned with a phone, and I think there are other things that they’re useful for in this setting. But I do think that we need to be wise with all the ways that we do and don’t use them when we’re in a worship setting. The word, the worship, and the people of God should always come first.
- Dan Lankford, minister
Parenting: It's A Process
Sunday, May 11, 2025“Do This And Your Kids Will Never Talk Back to You”
“Parents With Well-Behaved Kids Do These Three Things Every Day”
“Six Things To Do Now So You Don’t Raise Spoiled Kids”
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Parenting advice abounds in our world. We’re all looking for some kind of click bait that will make it easy, peaceful, and successful. But parenting is a process. There’s no quick path from immaturity to maturity. Period. That’s not because we fail to understand parenting; it’s because it always takes a long time to ‘bring up a child.’ And for the prime example of that, I submit, for your consideration, God’s own process of bringing up his son, Israel.
In the beginning, God treated Israel like one treats a baby. He carefully protected them, carried them, fed them, and nurtured them (cf. the Exodus and the wilderness). As they grew, he instructed them in how to behave and what ‘manners’ of life to develop (cf. the Law of Moses). He also disciplined them when they disobeyed. As they grew further, he taught them how to be wise, to make decisions based on more than black-and-white do’s and don’ts (cf. the wisdom lit.). When they became estranged from him like adult children sometimes do to parents, he hung his head and mourned, and he let them suffer the consequences of their choices (cf. the Exile). And then finally, when he was ready, he revealed himself to them as he truly is—making it possible for the relationship to reach full maturity (cf. our place in Christ).
If it took God a long time to raise a childlike nation to spiritual maturity, then we shouldn’t be discouraged that it takes a long time to raise our children. So keep going, mom and dad. Keep teaching, keep praying, and keep believing that God’s way works.
- Dan Lankford, minister
It's Easier to Succeed Than To Fail
Sunday, May 04, 2025I suppose it’s slightly different for everyone, but I know that for many people, the idea of some kind of ‘success’ doesn’t even call to their hearts any more. It sounds too daunting, too distant, too elusive, and frankly, too hard to be worth it. But, as the title of this article says: Succeeding at most things is easier (and easier on us) than failing at them.
Think about it: Which is easier in the long run? To put in the extra effort required to turn in assignments on time? Or to procrastinate, then still be required to finish and also to deal with your regrets?
Which is easier in the long run? To do the maintenance on the car when it’s due? Or to ignore it until it’s too late and face the larger expenses of repairs?
Which is easier? To obey your parents with a respectful attitude? Or to disobey, make excuses, mouth off… only to suffer the consequences, plus still have to obey the original command?
Which is easier in the long run? To make healthy food and exercise choices? Or to indulge day after day and eventually live with preventable-but-now-incurable health problems?
Which is easier? To train up a young child in the way he should go? Or to try and persuade him to change his wrongful ways once he is old and will not depart from them?
Many things in life—our careers, our relationships, our finances, our homes, our grades, and others—require extra effort in order to succeed. But it’s worth it. Failure forces us to work, but choosing diligence leads to success. It’s actually easier to succeed than to fail.
“The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor.” (Prv. 12:24)
- Dan Lankford, minister
Fighting Against Our Own Minds
Sunday, March 23, 2025In Christian bookstores, you can often look over the new releases and get a sense of what’s happening in the broader world of all that’s called ‘Christian.' I did that recently at Focus of the Family Bookstore, and here are some of the titles:
- Take Your Life Back; How To Stop Letting the Past and Other People Control You
- I Shouldn’t Feel This Way; Name What’s Hard, Tame Your Guilt, and Transform Self-Sabotage into Brave Action
- I Declare War; 4 Keys To Winning The Battle With Yourself
- The Bondage Breaker; Overcoming Negative Thoughts, Irrational Feelings, Habitual Sins
- Neighbor, Love Yourself; Discover Your Value, Live Your Worth
- Take Back Your Life; A 40-Day Interactive Journey To Thinking Right So You Can Live Right
What’s the common factor here? They’re all promising to help re-gain control of our thoughts; to help us overcome difficult things like guilt, regret, comparison, and tension. They all promise that if we follow the steps, we’ll be free from what’s negative inside us. It says a lot about our cultural moment when this is what Christian writers and publishers know people will buy in order to find help.
What’s the real solution to a mind that is anxious, frustrated, regretful, and restless? What will all the ideas in those books boil down to if they’re correct? Ultimately, they’ll be rehearsing truths from God. Truths such as, ‘Don’t be anxious; trust God’ (cf. Mt. 6:25-34), and ‘Believe it when God says you’re forgiven’ (cf. 1 Jn. 2:12), and “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Tm. 1:7).
What can we do to gain and maintain control of our minds? Ultimately, we gain control by surrendering control—by becoming so thoroughly indoctrinated with God’s ways that “it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Gal. 2:20). Only that will win the battle over self.
- Dan Lankford, minister
Trust & True Colors
Wednesday, March 12, 2025Most Bible readers have heard often about the importance of context when reading and studying. For some believers, that means just a verse or a sentence before and after the specific thing we’re looking at. But often, the context of a particular passage includes a whole section of the book that it’s from.
That’s what we have with this week’s daily Bible readings. All week long, we’re following Israel’s journey from the Red Sea (which they crossed in ch. 14) to Mt. Sinai (where they’ll receive the Law, starting in ch. 20). I recently heard the Exodus simply outlined in three parts: the road out [of slavery], the road between [slavery and freedom], and the road up [to God’s promised rest]. We’re with them on ‘the road between’ right now.
As we said in this week’s Reader’s Guide, this is where Israel will begin to show their true colors… which aren’t pretty. They complain about God when they find places with no water (15:22-26, 17:1-7). And they disobey his simple instructions about manna, messing up in two ways: first, by trying to gather too much and hoard it for themselves (16:19-20), and second, by expecting to gather it on the day when he told them to rest (16:27-30). And if you know the rest of the wilderness story, then you know these events are only the beginning of their problems.
What was their core problem in these events? In all of those cases, they failed to trust that God would provide for them. They complained because they didn’t trust him to provide. They hoarded because they didn’t trust him to provide. They worked rather than rested because they didn’t trust him to provide.
Do we trust him to provide for us? What does our anxiety level reveal as the answer to that? What do our giving-versus-hoarding habits reveal as the answer to that? What do our work-versus-rest habits reveal as the answer to that? How are we doing at putting our full trust in our God while we live in this life—our very own ‘road between’ salvation and promised rest?
- Dan Lankford, minister
The Easily-Lost Art of Listening Well
Wednesday, March 05, 2025“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak…” (James 1:19)
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Allow me to state something obvious: Some people are good at listening, and others just aren’t. That’s not to say that it’s an unchangeable destiny for either; it’s a skill that can be acquired. But I think we all recognize the varied skill levels when we encounter them.
Some people have a seemingly innate ability to stay engaged when someone is talking to them, to ignore potential distractions, and to truly focus on another person as they speak. They ask questions to show they’re thoughtfully connected. They care sincerely about the other person’s interests (cf. Phil. 2:4). They are slow to bring up their own opinions and interests. And they take the time to listen longer because they want to learn the person, not just to gather information. As a result, they tend to be a hub of deep conversations and close relationships. They possess an aura where powerful, personal, transformative conversations are had.
But for many, that’s just not our natural way. We quick-filter what we think is the relevant highlight of a conversation and then mentally rush ahead. We give follow-up statements rather than asking follow-up questions. We think about what we’ll say next instead of what the person has just said to us. We are quick to criticize or disagree, even before we’ve heard the fullness of the other person’s perspective. And we often miss out on appreciating who the other person is because we don’t really hear them. As a result, our relationships can remain at surface-level. People keep us at arm’s length because they feel that, rather than pulling them close to us by listening well, we have kept them at arm’s length.
Obviously, one of those behavior sets is much more like Jesus’. He always put more stock in individuals than in crowds, and he frequently took time to pause everything else and give his full attention to one person. Think about the afternoon that he spent with Zacchaeus (Lk. 19:10). What was it that made Zacchaeus receive the Lord joyfully (v. 6) and ultimately repent of his sins and turn to a life of generosity (v. 8)? In that story, Jesus paid attention to him. How does one person pay attention to another in that sort of life-changing way? By being “quick to hear” and “slow to speak.”
So here’s some practical advice for all of us to grow in this skill: When someone talks to you, ignore distractions and focus on them and what they’re saying. Ask questions about what they think, what motivates them, and what’s important to them. Listen to their answers when you ask questions—to the information, the tone, and the approach they take. Listen to ideas and beliefs that are different than your own, and don’t always feel the need to correct them right away—often, it can wait. Listen to the person’s heart behind what they say, and learn to see both their good and their flaws with wisdom.
Being heard is often much more important to a relationship than being taught, advised, or even encouraged. Often, the most compassionate and authentic thing we can do is listen skillfully. People who are “quick to hear, slow to speak” are living out the wisdom of God in their relationships, and that sort of behavior always leads us into his good blessings.
- Dan Lankford, minister
Your First Thought About Money..?
Wednesday, January 29, 2025“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.” (Phil. 4:11-12)
When you receive money—a gift, a paycheck, or some kind of support—what’s the first thought that goes through your head? As believers, I really believe that our first thought ought to be a prayer: “God, thank you for this gift.” As Paul was grateful for the support he received from the Christians in Philippi, we ought to be grateful for the providence of God in our lives, at whatever level of wealth he provides. Like Paul, we learn to be content with God himself first, and then we will naturally be content with whatever blessings he provides.
So here’s today’s challenge question: When you receive money, is your first thought, “I hope this is enough” or “What’s if this isn’t enough?” Or… Is it, “God, thank you for graciously providing for me/us”?
I hope that more and more of us are able to learn true contentment, whether we have little or much, and whether we live on little or much. In any and every case, the secret to contentment is to be content with God himself first. And once we’ve got that figured out, the rest of contentment will take care of itself.
- Dan Lankford, minister
Serve God Without Excuses
Sunday, January 19, 2025When God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 3-4), Moses was understandably nervous to answer the great calling. But his understandable nervousness turned into unfaithful excuses. Four times in the conversation at the burning bush, he gave God reasons why he didn’t think he was the one for this task (and the fifth time, he simply said, “Please send someone else.”). His fearfulness had turned into disrespect. What may have started as humility had become cowardice. It’s no wonder that by Exodus 4:14, God was getting angry with Moses.
We often do the same thing with God’s commandments. We do not have the chance to argue verbally with him, but we go back and forth in our minds, rationalizing whether we will obey or make excuses for disobeying.
- God says: “Give to those who are in need.” We respond: “But I don’t have enough, and they wouldn’t appreciate it properly anyway.”
- God says: “Teach the lost about salvation thru my son.” We respond: “But evangelism isn’t my gift, and I don’t even know any non-Christians.”
- God says: “Keep far away from sexual immorality.” We respond: “But I have needs that aren’t being met,” or “How will I find my soulmate if I don’t…?”
- God says: “Don’t be greedy for money.” We respond: “I’m not being greedy; I just need enough money to give me security and joy in life.”
Our excuses do nothing to change what God has commanded; they only serve to anger our Father when we behave as disobedient children. We must have humble hearts to simply trust and obey—to do what God asks of us and make no excuses. Moses eventually obeyed God’s commands. Let’s strive to be more compliant than he was.
- Dan Lankford, minister
The Pasture Or the Prison
Sunday, October 27, 2024There are two ways to create a sense of security in relationships
The first is by control; always watching closely for things to go wrong and doing all things possible to prevent problems. These relationships require tight boundaries, frequent questioning, stern lecturing, and at least a few emotional walls to prevent us from getting wounded. The best metaphor for this kind of atmosphere is a prison—a place with maximum security but with minimal freedom.
The second way to create security in a relationship, however, is by trust; believing that each party will do what’s best and knowing that difficulties can be met with truthfulness, confidence, and peacemaking efforts. These relationships require selflessness and humility, affirmations of trust, and questions asked for information rather than for accusation. The best metaphor for this kind of atmosphere is a pasture—a place with security is accepted as a gift; where all parties accept the risk of problems because they are sure those problems can be overcome; where all parties enjoy great freedom.
As parents, as bosses, as spouses, as teachers, as church leaders, as mentors, as friends… we all have the potential to foster both kinds of relationships. We can let the people around live in a pasture or a prison. Both will create their own type of security, but only one is like the relationships that God wants to bless us with: those which are led by still waters, which fear no evil even when they walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, and which are peaceful enough to lie down in green pastures (Ps. 23). That is God’s gift to us, if we’ll receive it. Is it the gift that we’re giving to others?
- Dan Lankford, minister