“How Can We Be Modest? Be Modest.”

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

The questions have come up in my hearing a few times lately: “How can Christian women and young women dress modestly without being legalistic? And how can Christian men take ownership of their own thoughts about women and what they wear?” I’m thankful that some people are asking this question, because I think it reveals hearts that desires to serve God with purity and holiness.

As Christians, we live our lives under a certain set of guidelines. And sometimes, those guidelines must necessarily be set in ways the Bible doesn’t specifically address. The Bible doesn’t specifically address many of the situations and clothing styles that we might wonder about, so we have to make some good judgments based on what God has taught us. How can we apply his wisdom to those situations in order to serve him best? Remember, we’re not just called to the minimum moral behavior that is acceptable; we want to be fully pleasing to God.

So first, how can women and young women dress modestly without being legalistic?

Let’s understand that the word ‘legalism’ has a specific meaning; it’s not just “serious about following moral rules.” Since that’s the case, let’s note that a certain Christian moral sense must be applied to modesty. Each family, organization, church family, school, etc. must make some judgment calls about that. For instance, when Christian kids to go to camp, someone has to say ‘this way of dressing is acceptable and this one is not.’ That’s not legalism; it’s just an application of good moral sense. It’s an effort to set clear and wise boundaries for young men and women in effort to help them obey God’s will. And the same is true of other settings; some decisions have to be made, even where the Bible hasn’t made rules.

Now, the question still remains: How can women dress modestly? The answer is pretty simple: try to be modest. Don’t try to be ‘just modest enough.’ Try to be modest, entirely. Take ownership of your dress, and think of how you present your body. Does the way that you dress glorify God, or is it about flaunting yourself? Are you pushing the boundaries, or are you choosing the humble and conservative path that draws you close to God’s ways? Are you seeking to please Jesus, or are you seeking ways to ‘get away with’ a little more?

And now to the other question: How can men take ownership of their own thoughts about women and what they wear?

God is clear with his warnings about lust (see especially Jesus’ words in Mt. 5:27-30). Men and boys are commanded not to give ourselves to that. It’s the task of men and boys to follow Job’s example and make a covenant with the eyes so as not to look longingly at women other than our wives (Jb 31:1). To look at a woman with sexual desire is demeaning to her dignity as an image-bearer of God and is an act of unfaithfulness in the heart. Godly men, both young and old, must exercise self-control.

Every Christian has a responsibility to help other Christians. Christian women can help Christian men, and Christian men can take ownership of helping Christian women to live in the dignity and peacefulness that God has given them.

- Dan Lankford, minister

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